Dear Friends of Exchange Students

Dear Friends of Exchange Students,

It's tough work being an exchange student, but it can also be considerably difficult being the friend of an exchange student. I mean, exchange students can be pretty high-maintenance. On minute they're constantly talking about their upcoming exchange, then they're gone, and then all of the sudden, they're back, and talking about their exchange. And chances are, anytime you talked while they were gone, it was at least partially about their exchange. What can I say, it's a big deal! So, you friends of exchangers you, here are some tips to help you (and your exchanging friend) out.

■ Before they leave:
● Do-
• Ask them questions about their host country/culture/family/etc., because they probably want to talk about it! It's really cool for us when you act like you're also interested in our host country, and you might even ask us something that we don't know but should find out.
• Ask if they want or need any help getting ready to go. I'm not saying to help them pack their suitcase (unless they ask), but there is some pre-departure shopping that we have to do (airport friendly toiletries, gifts for the host family, etc.) that we might like to have company for! Also, offering to help them study their host language is a gesture that will be largely appreciated, even if the gesture is turned down,
• Be supportive in general. Even though we made the decision the leave almost everything we know behind for x-amount of months, it's still a huge step and we need all the support we can get.
● Do not-
• Say things like, "I can't belive you're leaving me," or "You're not allowed to leave me for so long. I'll miss you too much." We're going to go anyway, okay? We want to go, but it's still hard. Hearing you say things like that makes it much harder.
• Get mad at them for always talking about how excited they are/their host country/their host family/etc., because we're just reeeeaaaaaally excited, okay?
• Tell them going abroad is a bad decision unless you have a legitimate reason. But even then, don't. Chances are that legitimate reason has been thoroughly discussed between the student and their family, so if they're still going abroad despite this reason, you probably aren't going to change their mind.

■ While they're on their exchange:
● Do-
• Keep up with their blog/facebook/other social media if you're interested in knowing what's up. This will cover all the important things that the student is up to, and it'll really help them for reasons stated in the next "do not" bullet.
• Ask serious questions in the comments section! By serious, I mean something specifically pertaining to the post. Don't go off on a tangent saying, "How's whatever country?! How are you?! I miss you soooo much!!!!1!!!!1!" Not only does that distract from the post, but the whole, "I miss you," thing might make us homesick (or moreso, which, trust me, isn't a fun deal).
● Do not-
• Message them often (unless you're a special case friend. I have one of those friends myself, but most friends: please don't). It's not that we don't want to talk to you, it's just that we're busy and don't want to get homesick, and the more time we spend talking to our home-friends, the more time we spend away from our host family and culture. If we want to talk to you, we'll reach out first. Unless we're really shy...
• If you are chatting, don't get mad if they don't respond right away. Like I said, exchange students are busy people.
• Tell them small details while you're talking. It'll make us miss home.
• Gossip, especially about friends. Don't tell us what bad thing who did. It'll make us worry and feel bad that we aren't there to help.
• Tell them that school/work/whatever isn't the same without them and they need to come home as soon as possible. Just... don't.

■ When they return:
● Do-
• listen when they tell you about their experience! Especially the first week or two of being back, we'll have a lot to say. Just bear with us for a little while.
• Ask if they need help unpacking/relearning English (a serious problem, furreal guys)/keeping our mind off our second home. Chances are, we won't be quite sure what to do with ourselves now that part of us is x-amount of miles away.
• Try to act the same-ish with them as before they left. Yes, we've grown a lot during our exchange, but you've changed too! Let's just embrace our new growth together and act normal around each other.
● Do not-
• Tell us it's weird when we talk about missing our host country/family/culture/etc., because it's not weird. It's not, okay?
• Get annoyed when they accidentally say something in their host language or forget the English word for something. We're trying to readjust and it's freaking hard.
• Try to fill them in on what happened while they were gone. Hit the highlights and move on.
• Be afraid to guide the topic of conversation away from their exchange. Better yet, help us come up with a short summary of what happened for when other people ask.
• Tell them, "You're never allowed to leave me again!" or say something similar. First off, that's ridiculous. We're all getting older and nothing can stay the same. Eventually college will happen. Life will happen.
• The worst: do not ask us how our trip or how our vacation was, and if you do ask us that, then may all that is good bless your darned soul, we might stab you. It was not a trip. It was not a vacation. Do not call it that.

Friends, we know it's rough when a close friend goes on exchange. Letting someone go will always be hard, and everyone needs to learn how to do so gracefully. I've been on both ends of this: as both the friend and as the student. I know it's hard to know what to do to help. I know it's hard knowing what to say. I know it's hard. It's hard being the student too, and what the student needs is your support through it all. The student most likely isn't leaving because they want to get away from you or something (if they are, they should reevaluate their motives). The student is probably going to learn about a new culture, new language, new people, and about themselves. It's nothing against you.
To all those friends of exchange students: y'all are great. Keep being awesome and it'll all be fine.

Love,
An exchange student

Dear Families of Exchange Students

Dear Families of Exchange Students,

Let's be honest: something changed when your kid first brought up that they wanted to study abroad during high school. Like, what the heck, kid?! You're not supposed to leave until after college! Once everything became official and you started telling people that your kid was spending x-amount of months in x-country, they said, "Are you crazy? I would never let my kid do that at such a young age!"
Yes, families, you are a little crazy. We exchange students thank you for that.
Naturally as the exchange unfolds, there's a lot more untouched territory that needs to be covered. Do's and Don'ts that come with being family members of exchange students are as follows:

■ Before they leave:
● Do-
• Help them with paperwork, packing, preparing, and basically anything they want help with
• Be supportive
• Make sure they're leaving home on good terms with everyone and feeling good about it all
● Do not-
• Ridicule their host country or culture
• Let them leave on a bad note

■ While they're on their exchange:
● Do-
• Ask if there's anything from home they'd like (to an extent, obviously. Do not mail you student their cat if they ask)
• Randomly message them to wish them a good day
• Give them space.  If they don’t message you it is not the end of the world
• Also messaging them pictures of their cat is good (hint, hint, Mom)
● Do not-
• Get mad or annoyed with them because you think they aren't making sufficient progress in learning their host language
• Get mad that your student may talk more to their friends than you, sometimes it’s easier to tell friends when you are feeling down than it is to talk to your parents
• Try to tell them everything that happens at home

■ When they return:
● Do-
• Let them rest
• Ask them questions, but not all at once.
• Ask them to try to cook food from their host country
• Put up with their new weird eating habits (example: putting yogurt on pasta, rice, anything really)
• Put up with their poor English skills. It's easy to forget a language when you don't use it to the same extent as you normally would
• Allow them to get frustrated with being back. Reverse culture shock is a real thing
• Let them miss their host country and family. Your student now has a home that might be an entire ocean away
• Listen to their stories, because you may be the only people they have left to talk to
● Do not-
• Tell them they shouldn't miss their host family so much and that they should just be glad to be back
• Be mad or disappointed in them if they're not fluent in their host language
• Make fun of their host country or culture
• Do not do not DO NOT ask them how their trip or vacation was. It was not a trip. It was not a vacation.
• Do not push them to do things they don’t want to do, reverse culture shock hurts and it takes time to adjust back to their home culture

A relatively short list of advice. Chances are, as the people who probably know the student the best, you know how much is best to talk to them. You probably know how to handle things in accordance to your specific student.
On another note, this is directed more toward parents, but other family members: if the shoe fits, wear it. To the parents: you guys rock. Gold stars to all of you.

Love,
An exchange student

On Differences

Whoa, hey. İt's been a while.

Today is my 78th day in Turkey. Needless to say, İ've noticed a thing or two that's different  here than in the US. My mother has been bothering me for about two months to write a post about differences, so here it is! This one's for you, Mumsy.

İn the exchange world, we like to divide culture into two parts, and we like to use an iceberg as an easy way to show these two parts. The aspects of a culture that are easy to see are on the part of the iceberg that's above water. Then there are the aspects of a culture that are below the surface of the water; you wouldn't notice them if you experienced the culture for a short amount of time. Like an iceberg, there's way more below the water's surface than above it. We like to compare exchange to swimming to the bottom of an iceberg; the further down you go, the harder it is to keep going. The aspects that are at or below the bottom of the iceberg are the one's that are very deeply rooted in the culture. İ'm talking so deep that sometimes the culture's natives can't really even explain it. This post will focus on the aspects of Turkish culture that are above or close to the surface of the water, and on how İ've changed or started to do things differently since İ got here.

İ've gotten used to kissing people's cheeks, whether it's in greeting, when İ'm saying goodbye or thanks, or just because. İ can't think of the last time İ kissed someone's cheek in the US. İn the morning, İ usually make my bed unless İ'm running late for school, whereas in Minnesota, İ never made my bed. Ever. At school, we sing Turkey's national anthem on Monday morning and Friday afternoon. We have our assigned classroom and the teachers move around during the day (a perk to this is that İ spend a lot of time with my classmates, so İ'm really comfortable around them). When the teacher walks in, the class stands up until the teacher tells us to sit or says "günaydın," to which we reply (loudly), "sağol." The food is generally spicer than in Minnesota. Breakfast usually consists of tomatoes and cucumbers, bread, cheese, honey, cream, olives, and çay. My host family hates it when İ go up the stairs from the apartment that İ live in to my aunt and uncle's apartment directly above us without shoes on, and back in MN, İ would walk through the horse pastures barefoot. İ've started talking slower (usually); apparently my American accent is hard to understand since most English speakers here learn and are used to British English and the accent to go with it. İ communicate to my friends and family back home, and to other American exchangers, almost only through facebook and whatsapp. Before İ came here, İ had never hearf of whatsapp, but now it's the most practical way to message friends. İ always wear different socks, which isn't very rare in the US. Here, it's something a lot of people haven't seen and they think it's very funny. This difference may be a big tourist city thing, but İ've kind of learned how to walk past street vendors and ignore them when they try to get my attention to sell me something. İt still makes me feel bad every time. İ'm comfortable now with taking the buses to get from place to place. When İ fırst arrived, it really freaked me out since İ had never used public transportation back home. The dessert here is usually very sweet to me. İ've gotten better at listening instead of talking, and at deciphering what someone means when İ only hear part of what was said, or the sentence wasn't correct.

It goes without saying that there are way more differences, but İ think that big blab-paragraph gets the point across. The differences are mostly small, but when you put them together with the bigger differences, it can be exhausting to keep up with. İ'm finally getting to the point of my exchange where İ'm not constantly tired, which happens when your brain is always trying to translate something, remembering when to do (or not do) something, trying to always be agreeable and socialable, or other things that aren't coming to mind right now. This has been the craziest two and a half months of my life, but you can bet that İ'm more than ready to face the rest of my exchange with open arms and an open mind.

İ think that's all İ have for now. İ'll definitely try to make sure my next update isn't two months later.

Görüşürüz!

Note: İ was way too lazy to proofread this. İ'll (maybe) come back later and edit it.

New note (15/12/14): this has now been lazily  proofread. Go me!

What I've Been Up To

Today makes 2 weeks since İ've been in my home in the US, and boy, has it been a busy 2 weeks. Also, İ'd like to apologize in advance for any errors in my spelling or puncuation. I'm hardly into my exchange and İ can already feel my English slipping. That, and Turkish keyboards are really weird.

To sum everything up:

On September 2nd, my parents and İ went to Minneapolis and stayed in a hotel. At around 7 in the morning on the 3rd, İ got on a plane to New York City. Once İ got to New York, İ made my way from the JFK airport to the hotel that the Pre-Departure Orientation (PDO) was held at. İ loved PDO; we got tons of useful information and meeting other exchangers was incredible. 

September 4th was the (first) big day. PDO finished up and we all got ready to take our international flights to our host countries. I, along with other exchange students going to Turkey, were lucky. We only had to wait until 2 pm to leave the hotel. Students going to Portugal and a few other countries didn't leave the hotel until around 7 or 8 pm. 

There are 17 students from the US in Turkey right now; 2 (myself and another girl) on the regular AFS program. The other 15 are here on NSLİ-Y or YES Abroad, which are two scholarship programs. The 17 of us, along with our chaperone, waited at JFK for around 3 hours until our plane left.

The plane ride. Was. LONG. İ couldn't sleep, so to say İ was tired when we landed in Paris at 1 am my time is an understatement. However, we had no time to rest. Not even 10 minutes after we made it through security and got to our gate, we were boarding a plane to İstanbul. While we were at the airport in France, we ran into two students from France who were also making their way to İstanbul. So that was fun.

İ couldn't sleep on the 2 1/2 hour plane ride to İstanbul either. Yay for being sleep deprived! When we landed in İstanbul, we collected our luggage, met AFS-Turkey volunteers, and waited for a shuttlebus to take us to the hotel where our next orientation, or Survival Camp, was held. While we waited, most of us exchanged some of our money for Turkish liras. 

Survival camp was a blast. When we got there, us exchange students got our room keys and gaggled together at a table, drinking Turkish coffee (kahve) or Turkish tea (çay). We also played a few games while we waited for the rest of the students to get to Survival Camp. Once everyone got there, we had some orientation stuff, then FİNALLY we got to go to bed around 11 pm, or 3 pm my time.

The following day, September 6th, we did mostly orientation stuff, but we also had a talent show of sorts in the evening, where we did things that we thought portrayed our home countries. Most of the students played a song and taught us a traditional dance to go with it. The other normal AFS student and İ sang "Hey, Soul Sister" by Train since a "traditional" American dream is to become a famous singer. Everyone made us promise to sing again at the next camp in October.

On the 7th, we all gathered our few belongings and got ready to go to our host cities. Most of us flew, but a few students went by bus, and the students staying in İstanbul just stood by and watched. İ think they later got a bus somewhere to meet their host families. 

Honestly, İ was scared out of my mind. We had a late start getting to the airport, so we had to rush to get through security and to our gates on time. Going to Antalya was just one of the French students and myself, and waiting at our gate was intense since neither of us knew what anyone was saying. İ thought we were going to miss our flight. Fortunately we didn't and both too soon and not soon enough, we were on our way to Antalya. 

About an hour later, our plane touched down in Antalya, and we collected our bags and made our way out of the airport where AFS volunteers were waiting. Right away the other student was whisked away with his family, but my family got stuck in traffic so İ had to wait a few minutes.

When my family got there, we hugged, kissed each other's cheeks, and made our way to a mall to eat and shop before going home. At home, İ unpacked and just hung out with my family. İt was great.

İ've spent my time just hanging out at home or going out with either my brother or sister. We've watched all 3 Lord of the Rings movies (never again), Fight Club, and Captain America in the time that İ've been here, which makes more movies that İ've watched all summer. From the evening on the 11th to late afternoon on the 14th, İ was in a village about two hours away from Antalya. The village is where my brother and sister's dad used to live. The heat during the day was ungodly, and at night it was super cold, much colder than a summer/early fall night in Minnesota. We left the village on the 14th, visited Annem's parents, then we went home. 

Monday the 15th, school started for everyone except for most of us exchange students. AFS-Turkey is having trouble getting pur residence permits or something, which means that we can get registered for school. 

Last night my sister and her friend, who was staying with us for the past week or so, left to go back to university. Today, İ repacked my stuff (which took less that 20 minutes. Perks of being an exchange student) and went with my brother to meet hıs girlfriend and girl friend, and later his other friend showed up. İ ended up straying off seaside with the other friend, who speaks English really well. The friend and İ ended up meeting Annem at her work before going to our respective homes. Once İ got home, dinner was made, we ate, we sat at the table (my stomach still hurts from laughing. İt's nearly impossible to teach Turkish speakers the "th" sound), and İ finished packing. Now İ'm sitting at my cousin's house, using on of their laptops to type this. Tomorrow, my family and İ will move into our new apartment.

Everything so far has been going just swimmingly, and İ couldn't have asked for a better host family. Hopefully everything continues to go well!

Gürüşürüz!

-Anika

An Introduction

Hi, I'm Anika. I'm a 16-year-old from a small town in western Minnesota, and for 10 months, I'll be participating in a high school study abroad program in Antalya, Turkey through AFS.

For those of you who don't know what AFS is, here's a brief explanation: AFS stands for the American Field Service, and today it's called AFS Intercultural Programs. Originally, it was called the American Ambulance Field Service. In 1914, Americans living in Paris at the outbreak of World War 1 volunteered as ambulance drivers to an American hospital just outside of Paris. Nowadays, AFS Intercultural Programs is geared towards building international relationships to help progress towards more understanding and world peace.

Foreign exchange is something I've been interested in doing for as long as I can remember, but I kind of put the idea on the back burner until my sophomore year (2012-2013), when I learned that one of my friends was going abroad for the 2013-2014 school year. In August of 2013, I looked into multiple study abroad programs and decided that AFS looked like the one for me.

The application through AFS is relatively easy if you ignore how much time it takes to get everything put together, and it's all online. To start it off, you just submit basic information about yourself, including your name, age, contact information, your GPA (there's a 2.8 minimum), and your current top three countries that you'd like to go to, then you submit that along with the $75 application fee. From there, you get launched into the full application. There forms to fill out (boy, are there forms...), signatures to be signed, doctors to be visited, transcripts to be scanned, and letters of recommendation to be written. Aside from that, you upload photos of you and your family that might portray a portion of your interests and normal life. You make a final preference list for which countries you'd most like to go to. You type out your interests, your allergies, and a letter from you to your host family. You also need to have an in-home interview with a local volunteer about why you want to go abroad. Once you finish the application, you submit it before the deadline (usually in March I believe), and you wait for AFS volunteers to look it over and let you know what you need to review, update, or just plain redo. It's a lot easier than it sounds, I promise.

I submitted my application for the first time in early January, got told to review it and fix some stuff, then I resubmitted it towards the end of February. I got an email saying I was accepted on April 9th about 10 minutes before school started. Needless to say, I didn't pay very much attention that day; I was too consumed with excitement and the dread of having to play the waiting game for almost 5 more months.

In May, the mandatory Pre-Departure Orientation was in Eden Praire, MN, which was the one I went to since it was the closest.

My junior year ended, summer began, and the waiting game continued. So far this summer, I've distracted myself through working on some online classes so I can graduate when I get back, babysitting, Civil Air Patrol, and just plain having fun. The slow trickle of information about my upcoming adventure has been both torture (in the sense of omigodwhyisn'tthishappeningyet) and amazing (in the sense of omigodthisishappeningsosoon). I've gotten everything done that I need to with the exception of packing and wrapping up a few classes.

In 15 days, I'll leave my small-town home to go to Minneapolis. In 16 days, I'll be on a plane to New York City. In 17 days, I'll get on an airplane in NYC, and in 18 days, I'll land in Istanbul, Turkey. Crazy, huh?

See you soon!
Görüşmek üzere!

-Anika